“We have everything covered.”….”We’re just fine.”…”Everything’s taken care of…”
As adult children, we’ve heard those statements by our parents. But, if our senior parents are taking care of one another, is everything really okay?
Caregiving is very stressful, especially when a spouse is caring for their loved one. Age alone is one factor. The stamina and physical demands of providing care for a loved one is difficult and challenging for seniors. Medical and healthcare strides are allowing people to live healthy and active lives well into their 80’s and 90’s. Despite those health advances, the fact remains that caring for an ill spouse, regardless of the caregiver’s age, is very demanding, stressful and could threaten the caregiver’s own health.
The Journal of American Medical Association reports that if you are a spousal caregiver between the ages of 66 and 96, and are experiencing ongoing mental or emotional strain as a result of your caregiving duties, there’s a 63% increased risk of dying over those people in the same age group who are not caring for a spouse.
As a caregiving spouse, you may begin to feel very isolated from friends and feel tremendous guilt about your own unmet needs. There can also be a sense of loss, especially if your spouse suffers from dementia or Alzheimer’s disease.
So how do you know if caregiving is becoming too risky for you? Examine this list and see how many apply to you:
• Missing or delaying your own doctor appointments
• Ignoring your own health problems or symptoms
• Not eating a healthy diet for lack of time
• Overusing tobacco and alcohol when you feel stressed
• Giving up exercise habits for lack of time
• Losing sleep
• Losing connections with friends for lack of time to socialize
• Bottling up feelings of anger and frustration and then being surprised by angry, even violent, outbursts directed at your spouse, other family members, co-workers – even strangers
• Feeling sad, down, depressed or hopeless
• Loss of energy
• Lacking interest in things that used to give you (and your spouse) pleasure
• Feeling resentful toward your spouse
• Blaming your spouse for the situation
• Feeling that people ask more of you than they should
• Feeling like caregiving has affected family relationships in a negative way
• Feeling annoyed by other family members who don’t help out or who criticize your care
All caregivers who experience elevated levels of stress are at an increased risk for physical and emotional issues.
Even if you are only experiencing two or three of these items, it is important to get help and support.
The truth is your spouse/partner will be in better hands if you are healthy.